Okay, I needed the kick in the pants to write this month's blog post about my weight loss journey. (Thanks Shea!) I was really depressed about this last few months. I have taken a HUGE detour on the weight loss journey, and I am having a very hard time getting back on track. I am not happy right now. I am upset with myself. I don't feel good. I get headaches. I am tired. Why would I purposefully make myself feel this way? I do not understand why when I start to stray off the path that it means that I should go running as fast as I can in the other direction! After school started I got thrown off my exercise schedule, and so slowly I started to eat the wrong foods, but rather than just maintain where I was, I went completely off the deep end and ate everything in sight!!! ARG! Seriously! What the heck is wrong with me? Why can I not control what I put into my mouth?
I am telling you the answer right now - IT IS AN ADDICTION!!!
I have to treat food the way that a recovering alcoholic treats alcohol. Can a recovering alcoholic have just one drink? No! Can I just have one cookie? NO! I can't, because in my mind one cookie is the open door to eat as many cookies as I possibly can. Why? I will never know. But, with me that is the way it is. Lots of diets tell you that you have to splurge every once in a while, but I can't. A splurge leads to a surge, and I have to stay as far away from that as possible.
Hello, my name is Lora and I am a recovering foodaholic.
I have to accept, no matter how painful it may be, that I cannot eat chocolate chip cookies. I cannot eat ice cream. I cannot eat candy. I have to accept, no matter what my brain may tell me otherwise, that food is fuel. Food is not friend, just fuel. (Say that with the voice of the sharks from Finding Nemo.)
I whine about how unfair it is that I can't just eat whatever I want and that I have to work at this forever, i.e. I can't lose the weight and stop working at it. I have to do this forever. Well, if the doctors told me that I had a fatal, incurable disease, but that I could stay alive indefinitely by not eating chocolate, don't you think I would do everything I could to stay alive? I wouldn't be willing to risk my life by eating chocolate. So why am I so willing right now?
Satan is trying to kill me, and he is doing it with food. That sign is on my refrigerator. Currently it is buried by Katie's drawings and school lunch schedules, but after I post this it will come back out to the front.
Okay, I am getting more and more energized the more I write! So, gulp, here is the current stats (I have to accept the consequences of my actions):
weight gained: 13 lbs.
inches gained: 18"
Goals for the month of November:
*Pray like crazy for help every single second of the day!!!
*Exercise, even as little as twenty minutes, on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Get up earlier on the days that I have to!
*Write down everything that I eat! Get back on course with the five meals a day! PORTION CONTROL!!!
*Get back down to the weight I was in August!
This is a journey right?! Sometimes you run into hazards along the way. As long as you are going in the right direction, you will eventually get to where you are going. Sometimes you go slow, sometimes you go fast. I will get there. I have already lost 41 pounds. I have already reached many of my goals. Granted, I have to meet several of them again, but I will. If you sit on the side of the road feeling sorry for yourself, you are not going to get anywhere.
I am going to get back on track. My name is Lora and I am addicted to food. I will overcome that addiction! I will be fit! I will be healthy! I will be strong!
By the way, it is good to have road signs and AAA to help along the way, so all of you out there feel free to be my road signs and say, STOP! WRONG WAY! SLOW DOWN! CAUTION! when you see me eyeing that piece of pie or a cookie or telling you that I am off track like that makes it okay. You don't have to be the police, just a positive, gentle reminder. Thanks!
The good news: I have still lost 28 pounds and 39.25". I have not returned to where I was before. I am facing up to my mistakes and getting back on track. Back in the right direction.
3 comments:
Gosh, Lora, I am so proud of you! It's the same with anything we try to correct, isn't it? In a way, your journey with weight loss is like every person's journey with sin...we get off track, sometimes way off track,and Satan tries to convince us that since we're off track anyway, a little more won't hurt. It's only by making constant course corrections and accepting our weakness while relying on the Lord that any progress can be made. You are doing it right!!! We only fail in sin or in weight loss if we fail to keep on trying! Hugs!!!
what an inspriational and insightful post. i hope to get back on track soon. i feel so much like you when it comes to food. if i eat it it's on my mind if i don't eat it it's on my mind. oh how i love/hate food. my life feels so crazy, hoe to work in diet and exercise i don't know. but i'll work on it. thank you for such a wonderful post. mariana
It's a great sign you have on your fridge.
It's been nine days since you posted this. How have the last nine days gone for you?
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